Remembering the ‘KWEEN’ this Mother’s Day
May 7, 2021
Benny couldn’t help but laugh at what he saw. Carefully tucked between those piles of beautiful china were five one thousand-peso bills. He knew instantly whom those crisp, old banknotes belonged to. Kay Nanay Benita.
In a few days, his late lola’s old bungalow would be torn down to give way to a modern, two-storey house. If Benny, 38, had it his way, he would have wanted to just restore his maternal grandmother’s place, but repair proved to be as costly as building a new one. His family had spent the last couple of weeks going through and storing away her stuff - from her collection of abanicos, bandannas and faltriqueras (small purses) to unused umbrellas that were given to her by banks and insurance companies every Christmas. “Ang hilig talagang magtabi ng mga abubot!” his mom, Cora, would complain. Nanay Benita, as she was lovingly called, hardly threw anything away. Lagi niyang sinasabi noon, “Pwede pa ‘yang magamit sa susunod!”. Ayaw niyang laging bumibili ng bago. Ultimo gift wrappers at gift boxes, or plastic utensils from fast-food restaurants, niri-recycle ni Nanay Benita ‘yan.
Today, Benny was tasked to sort the dining area. Stepping into his grandmother’s ‘kingdom’ quickly brought back happy memories. It’s been eight years since Nanay Benita’s passing but the smell of freshly-cooked menudo, rellenong bangus, chicken pork adobo and arroz valenciana still emanates from the kitchen. If there’s one thing Nanay Benita didn’t scrimp on, it was food. She always made sure that her children and grandchildren will have something to feast on. That round, 8-seater narra dining table where they would all gather was her love language. Benny runs his hand through its white, embroidered tablecloth, trying to fight back the tears.
It was in that same room where he first talked to anyone from his family regarding his gender. He was 25 at that time and working as a junior production assistant in a TV network. Gabi noon at malakas ang ulan sa labas. Katatapos lang niyang makipagtalo sa mommy niya kaya dumiretso siya sa bahay ni Nanay Benita para doon magpalipas ng sama ng loob. Cora was really never a fan of his chosen career path. She never understood ‘MassComm’. Sana raw, nag-engineer na lang siya kagaya ng daddy at kuya niya. Her mother, obviously, was also in denial. Alam na niya, pero hindi pa niya matanggap. Sensing her apo’s low spirits, Nanay Benita did what she’d always done to cheer him up. Over a nice, steaming bowl of his favorite chicken sopas, Benny vented out to his namesake and before he knew it, he was already ‘coming out’. “Junior talaga kita”, yun lang ang nasabi sa kanya ni Nanay, as if she’d already known all along. Not that she was being a kunsintidor, but that’s just how she was. When her youngest daughter’s marriage started to fall apart, she never insisted that they patch things up for the sake of her grandchildren. Her reason: “Lalo mo lang pahihirapan ang mga bata kapag nakipagbalikan ka sa asawa mo”.
Nanay Benita was far from being typical or traditional. She always went against the norm. At the young age of 40, she lost her husband Sergio to stroke and was left to fend for her eight children. She didn’t have a job and knew nothing aside from being a mother and running a household. Naubos ang lahat ng naipon nilang mag-asawa, and while friends and family constantly prodded her to remarry so someone who can help with their gastusin and look after the kids, Nanay Benita faced solo parenting head on. Eventually, she became a pawid dealer, learned how to drive and even managed to buy her own delivery truck. Kada weekend, bumibiyahe siya sa Lucena, Quezon para kumuha ng pawid. Walang palya ‘yon. Ginawa niya...at kinaya niya. By 50, all her children had finished college and got jobs. ‘Yung iba nga ay bumuo na rin ng sarili nilang pamilya.
She never relied on anyone and always held herself with dignity and pride. Her past experiences molded her into becoming the solid matriarch that she was. Strong, feisty and independent. Minsan, matalas din ang dila. Benny adored his lola’s sharp wit and dry sense of humor the most. Once, when he decided to bring someone to one of their family dinners, she jokingly quipped, “Mas maganda pa ang kilay niyan sa’kin ah”. To Benny, Nanay Benita was simply “pak na pak!”. Even when she got diagnosed with diabetes and started taking maintenance meds, never did she seek help from anyone. She had her own savings and regularly collected money from her investments and paupahang apartment. Sabi niya, ayaw niya kasing maging pabigat. So when Benny started earning on his own, she always reminded him to save and invest, “Para hindi ka umaasa sa iba”.
This is also why Nanay Benita’s frugality was legendary. Sobrang kuripot at ‘makunat’, reklamo nga ng isa pa niyang tita. A weekend trip to the grocery with his lola would normally last up to three hours just because she’d tirelessly look for bargains and make sure she was scoring a good deal. Hindi mo mauutakan si Nanay Benita pagdating sa pera. She kept segregated alcancias and hid money in the most unusual places. Ayaw rin niyang kumakain sa labas. “Andami-daming pagkain sa bahay!” was her usual retort. She was notoriously tighfisted but if it weren’t for that, she would not have provided for her children, sent them to school, or bought each one of them a house and lot that will secure their future.
Nanay Benita’s health started to deteriorate in 2010 when her eldest son, Benny’s Tito Leo, died in a tragic car accident. Since then, she rarely left the house and never stopped nursing her broken heart. Lagi niyang sinasabi noon, doble ang sakit ng mawalan ng anak kaysa mawalan ng asawa. Nanay Benita just settled with her orchids, cooked for her family and watched the teleseryes her beloved Benny wrote. She was always proud of her grandchildren’s accomplishments. The last time she left the house prior to her demise was when she attended his cousin’s first acoustic concert.
As Benny looks at those five one-thousand peso bills, he realizes how he appreciates his Nanay Benita even more. He is keeping everything he can hold on to, lalo na ang perang ‘yon. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t miss his grandmother, Mother’s Day pa naman sa weekend.
Nanay Benita was his refuge. A rock and pillar of strength. A true source of happiness and inspiration not just to him but to the whole family. The one and only ‘Kween’. Kapag nagkaka-edad ka pala, totoong mas mauunawaan mo ang mga magulang at mga lolo’t lola mo noon. Mas nabibigyang-halaga mo ang mga naging paghihirap at sakripisyo nila. Kung hindi sa mga paalala ni Nanay Benita noon, hindi siya makakapag-ipon ng pera para makapagpatayo ng bahay ngayon. Everything in that house seems to remind him of her. Ang dami nang nangyari mula nang nawala si Nanay Benita. Ang dami pa sana niyang ikukwento habang kumakain ng mainit na sopas. Pero ngayon niya talaga napatunayan, pagdating sa maraming bagay (lalo na sa pagiging ‘kuripot’) talagang siya nga si ‘Benita Jr.’, and nothing makes him more proud.
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Ngayong Araw ng mga Nanay, Paramount Direct honors and celebrates motherhood, all the moms out there and also those playing the role of mothers. Thanks for the job you do, the sacrifices you make and most of all, the love you give. ROCK ON!
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